Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Who are those guys?

Forget the goalie - I think I cursed the whole fucking team. Either that, or Stars center Joel Lundqvist came in from Dallas and strapped on his brother's goalie gear. This is no time for twin-switching hijinks!

Then again, there's no way the hijinks could be pulled off.

This is Joel.

This is Henrik.

And here they are together, chatting with MSG's Al Trautwig in 2006.

And yet Joel's official bio states that they are identical twins.

Then again, Joel, who is a forward, has taken more pucks to the face and, as he is based in Dallas and/or Des Moines, doesn't have access to the services of whoever does Henke's hair. Never underestimate the power of a haircut.

And certainly they did look the same when they were drafted into the league in 2000 (a photo is shown 40 seconds into the video).

Really, they're the Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield of the NHL. Henke would be Jessica since he obviously spends time on his appearance; Joel is Elizabeth by defaulalike t.

As for the people who play in front of Henke, it's gotten to the point that putting Jagr on waivers doesn't seem so bad. And I don't give a fuck if he's a future Hall of Famer.

But hey, frustration is what being a Ranger fan is all about. Is it a coincidence that if you take away the first and last letters of "Rangers" you get "anger"? (Do the same with the Devils and you get "evil"; with the Islanders, you get "slander.")

I take solace in the fact that today's Rangers only embarrass themselves during games, although Ryan Hollweg comes close here. Once upon a time, long before I could remember shit, they (well, not the current crew) peddled skin-tight designer jeans.

That's Dave Maloney, Anders Hedberg, Phil Esposito and Ron Duguay. And yes, these four appeared in a TV ad. Singing. And it goes downhill from there.

Apparently, the ads were such a success that Espo and Hedberg came back for more. However, the sequel had another Maloney (Don) and another modelizing Ron (Greschner). It also proves that puck fucks are not a recent phenomenon.

That's right - fucking jazz hands.

Ranger fans blame Denis Potvin for the team's loss in the 1979 Stanley Cup finals (for they believe Ulf Nilsson in the lineup would have made the drought 39 years long, instead of 54). "Potvin Sucks" makes a great chant, and shockingly, the Garden condoned it for a time (I would like to blame the Dolans for putting the kibbosh on it, since the Dolans provide me with cable service and therefore suck). You can also buy the T-shirt (not sanctioned by the New York Rangers, Madison Square Garden, Cablevision, or the National Hockey League).

Potvin may suck, but I'm growing more and more convinced that the Rangers lost the Cup in 1979 because they were spending too much time at Studio 54 in their Sasson jeans and possibly snorting coke there (of course, it would be libel to state that they actually were; however, they'd had to have been on something to agree to do those ads).

Why do I get hung up on the Rangers' slump? I've got another blue-clad team to get excited about! If the Giants can defeat the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, they'll be in the Super Bowl. And if not, well, I've got Brett Favre to cheer for. He's hot! And he's a goofball! He has no strategy when he throws! And most of all, he is not Tom Brady! That's right, I don't find Tom Brady attractive, and while I don't hate the Pats as much as I do the Red Sox, I really would like Boston to lose something big.

Edited on Jan. 23 - Lundqvist twins video added

1 comment:

bodycountess said...

Hi, I'm some random girl who's discovered your blog and enjoys it - particularly the GLP posts!

I'd love to help increase awareness of this phenomenon. Maybe even channel the latent revolutionary potential of the downtrodden student masses whose blood pressures rise every time they think about living expenses and debt post-graduation. ;)

I'm on livejournal now, but will be getting a blogspot account soon. Contact me; I'd love to talk!